Neurodivergent Adult's Unnamed Newsletter Issue 9, April 8 2024

Hello friends! Welcome back to the Neurodivergent Adult’s Unnamed Neurodiversity Newsletter. I hope you’re all having a fantastic April and Autism Acceptance Month. Since last week the number of people subscribed has DOUBLED! So, for all of you who are new, welcome, I hope you enjoy your stay. Be sure to check out previous issues of the newsletter here: https://neurodivergentadult.beehiiv.com/ 

Autism Burnout Symptoms

Since we are in the second week of Autism Acceptance Month I thought now would be a great time to take a look at the symptoms of Autistic Burnout. For those who may not know, Autistic Burnout is a prolonged period of stress and exhaustion that can lead autistic people to be more sensitive to sensory input, feel near constant exhaustion, and experience a decrease in executive function which makes it more difficult for them to accomplish anything.

One of the biggest causes of Autistic Burnout is masking which is hugely taxing mentally and emotionally. If you’ve never experienced masking before, think about your customer service voice. When you’re working in a retail job you often have to act a certain way. You can’t be having a bad day, you have to be happy and excited to help anyone who comes along. That is masking, only autistic people have to do it all the time when they’re around people. Even at home. Autistic burnout can also be caused by stress, a lack of supports, trying to live up to expectations, and big life changes.

So what are the symptoms of Autistic Burnout? Well, I’ve already mentioned a few, but lets dive into greater detail.

More Sensitive to Sensory Input - During autistic burnout you will find it more difficult to cope with the sensory input around you day to day. The light in your bedroom might feel like it is even brighter than it usually is or the sounds of the road outside your house might seem louder. Being more sensitive to these things reduces your capacity to cope with them as well, meaning you’re more likely to become overwhelmed, which increases the risk of a meltdown. And remember, an autistic meltdown IS a medical emergency.

Exhaustion - Burnout of any kind results in exhaustion. Your brain and body have quite simply had enough and they need rest. Not getting the rest you need will only make your burnout worsen over time until you feel like you can’t even get out of bed. How much rest is enough rest when you’re experiencing burnout? A weekend won’t cut it. A week isn’t even enough. It can sometimes take YEARS to overcome the exhaustion of autistic burnout, years that quite simply, none of us can afford to take.

Decreased Executive Function - When you’re experiencing autistic burnout you will see decreased executive function, which means that it will be difficult to start tasks, even tasks you want to do. But, that isn’t all executive function covers. It will make it more difficult for you to plan anything, to stay organized, to exert self-control, and even your ability to remember things will be impacted.

Loss of Skills - Things that you have previously been able to do might be impossible when you experience autistic burnout. Which skills are impacted might be completely random and differ from one person to the next.

Recovering from autistic burnout isn’t easy. But, given time to rest, time to enjoy special interests in a relaxed way, and a decrease in demand are all a great way to go. If you still have to go to work every day, as so many of us do, then try making changes in other areas of your life. Also, don’t work harder than you have to. Your health is more important than a promotion, and if you push yourself too hard you won’t be able to work at all.

Neurodivergent Adult Video

Nonverbal Together

This reminds me of one of the first times I ever met my father-in-law. My husband and I were dating long distance at the time and I had travelled 20 hours by car and plane to spend some quality time with my then boyfriend. Several days into my trip my father in law walked into the room my boyfriend and I were sitting in and looked at us confused before saying, “Did you really spend all that time and money to get here and not speak to one another?”

We were both on computers, sitting right next to each other and occasionally we would say a few things, but we also would sometimes say it in text chat rather than out loud. It was honestly a fair question. Of course what my father-in-law hadn’t seen were the several hours before then we had spent together practically attached at the hip while we went for a walk on the beach. We had very fulfilling conversation and now we wanted some quiet time, still together, to let our minds rest and my father-in-law just couldn’t understand it.

Of course at the time we didn’t know that my husband is autistic and I have ADHD (possibly AuDHD). For us it just seemed natural and comfortable. We’ve always found being together in silence comfortable. When my husband has had a particularly challenging day at work he will come home and be nonverbal for a bit. I’ve never found this difficult to deal with as some have suggested I should. In fact it is quite easy for us to grab our phones and send each other messages in whatever chat service we’re using at the time. It might be that we find this so comfortable and easy to do because we spent nearly 6 years of our lives dating long distance and primarily text based. This was back in the day before services that allowed you to do voice chat over the internet were really a thing.

Sometimes you just need to be around people without having the expectation of having to speak. This might be why I enjoy meetings so much. I’m never the person running the meeting and typically all I have to do is sit there and listen, or possibly take notes. You don’t even have to be neurodivergent to get something out of spending time nonverbal. There’s a lot to be said about going to a crowded place where you’re unlikely to know anyone but you still get to be around people.

Spending time nonverbal can be incredibly healing for your mind. It takes a lot of the pressure off you. If you’ve never tried it before I encourage you to give it a try sometime. It may feel uncomfortable at first, especially if you’re doing it around people you know. But, given time and practice, you might just discover you like it.

Getting Stuck in an ADHD Rumination Cycle…and How to Get Out

Have you ever found yourself stuck in a cycle of negative thoughts about yourself where you are constantly putting yourself down in your own head? If you have ADHD then you’re probably thinking (much like I am) “Yes, all the time!” Because…yes. ALL. OF. THE. TIME.

This is ADHD rumination. You could be sitting there enjoying the best chocolate cheesecake you’ve ever tasted and then your brain will just go “you’re a piece of shit. You’re terrible at everything you try to do. Why even do it? Why even do anything at all? Just give up.” Why did your brain decide to do this to you? Because it associated the chocolate with that time when you were trying to do a thing that was hard and you were eating a piece of chocolate when you were doing it but you failed to do it and soo…. Deep breath…

It’s hard having ADHD. So hard in fact that 14% of people with ADHD have attempted suicide. That’s 5 times more than the neurotypical average. Autism sits at 35%, just in case you’re curious, I was.

ADHD rumination and stress go hand in hand. When you’re stressed you ruminate more and the more you ruminate, the more stressed you are. Is it actually useful to be stressed about not turning in an assignment in the seventh grade when you’re 40? No. Does your brain do it anyway? YOU BET!

So how do you shut off the negative thoughts when you have a brain that never shuts off?

The number one advice you’ll see online is do something fun that takes you out of your head. But, that is a whole lot easier said than done. I have ruined many a video game for myself simply because I tried to use it as a distraction from rumination and it didn’t work so I was basically sitting there playing a game while crying and still stuck in my head.

Other advice you’ll see is meditation. But how are you supposed to meditate when you’ve basically got a little demon on your shoulder whispering in your ear about how you’re a total failure? Meditation is great as a preventative measure, but it is less useful when you’re in the moment.

Similarly they recommend exercise because it releases dopamine and endorphins which are likely to cheer you up. I don’t know about anyone else, but I find working out to be one of the most “in my head” activities on the planet. So just like the video games I’ll have tears dripping down my face while I swing the kettle bell.

The only thing I’ve ever found useful for getting out of a rumination cycle is socializing. There’s something about having to put on a mask, basically an entirely different personality that wipes the slate clean. Of course there is every chance that it will quickly come back after the socializing is done, but, meeting up with friends or going somewhere that I know I will be social at is pretty much the only thing that does it for me. You also can’t talk about what is troubling you while you socialize, if you do then it doesn’t get buried deep enough and it will resurface again quite soon.

This is just what works for me though, your mileage may vary. Maybe meditation in the middle of a rumination will work for you. There’s really no harm in trying. If you’re stuck in the middle of a rumination cycle right now, know that you aren’t alone. So, SO many of us are going through the same thing right now and always.

The Guardian Discusses AuDHD

In an article that was far too long for my poor ADHD brain to process in one sitting (it took 3 reading sessions to get through it all), the Guardian newspaper from the UK takes a look at AuDHD and its visible rise on social media. For many who don’t interact with neurodivergent social media circles this is likely the first time they’ve ever heard of AuDHD and in fact many probably still believe (wrongly) that autism and ADHD are mutually exclusive, meaning that you can only have one or the other. In fact, the article begins by pointing out that it has only been a little over a decade since the mutual exclusivity of autism and ADHD was believed by the medical field to be fact.

AuDHD, in case you aren’t familiar with the term, is the combination of the word Autism and the initialism ADHD to signify that you are both autistic and have ADHD. A person who is AuDHD is called an AuDHDer. They seem to prefer identity first language similar to autistic people and deaf people. This goes against the norm for those who have ADHD. Individual tastes can vary however and just as there are some who would call themselves an ADHDer, there are some who say that they have AuDHD, though this would be rare.

The article dives into the lives of several people, one of whom is a doctor who didn’t realize he was AuDHD until he was an adult and while I will leave those stories for the article, linked down below, I will say that it is fantastic to see stories from others being put out there for all to read.

What I found most interesting from the article was the fact that some specialists are beginning to believe that not only can AuDHD happen, it happens frequently. A study they cite showed that nearly 50% of all people diagnosed Autistic also have ADHD and two-thirds (⅔) of people diagnosed with ADHD show autistic traits as well. Which sounds a lot like it being the rule rather than the exception. I am myself on a journey to find out if I am AuDHD after previously believing I had ADHD with some Autistic traits. In online autism tests I have always scored just below the autism threshold. There are a lot of areas, especially around food, where it has left me wondering if I’m one of those who is AuDHD.

The article also very importantly discusses the fact that suicide rates are higher for those who are AuDHD than those who are autistic or have ADHD. That makes it all the more important for any of us who are neurodivergent to get screened for the possibility. But, what good is screening when the medications we have available for ADHD aren’t as effective or sometimes not effective at all for those who are AuDHD and when there are no supports in place for people with AuDHD. Society needs to do better.

I encourage you all to check out the article here: https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2024/apr/04/audhd-what-is-behind-rocketing-rates-life-changing-diagnosis 

An Early Encounter with the Invisible Rules

This week’s story is a sweet one that I imagine a lot of autistic people will find extremely relatable. It comes from my autistic husband’s early childhood and I asked him to write it in his own words rather than translating the tale through me. I hope you enjoy.

I remember the first time I ever played with LEGO. Not just played with it, I was given my first ever set. It was the start of a lifelong fascination with LEGO and a comfort through my childhood. It's still a comfort now, I just can't trust my cat to not try eat my Minifigs or push things down so I haven't indulged in sometime.

It was also probably the first time I remember ever bumping into a rule, one of those invisible rules of social interaction that can feel so daunting and so insurmountable.

You see, this LEGO set was a gift from my Great-Aunt. I had never met her before that day because she lived on the other side of the Atlantic. I had gone my entire life, not that it was even in the double digits then, not knowing or seeing or even really hearing about this lady. She was lovely, she was kind, she was patient.

She was a stranger. You don't talk to strangers.

She's family. You're supposed to be nice to family.

She's your grandmother’s sister, she's definitely related to you.

I've never heard of her. She's a stranger.

Round and round it went in my head and heart. So I hid under a table.

I couldn't leave because leaving would be rude, also I was a child and we had driven to my grandmothers. I couldn't refute her because everyone in my family was insisting that yes, this person you don't know is definitely related to you, surely they would know if she was. Yet...she was a stranger and I was not to be around strangers. So I hid. Leaving the room wasn't an option. Being rude wasn't an option. Being invisible though, that seemed to make sense.

I can look back at it and smile. I can be amused at the "genius idea" of a six or seven year old finding a loophole that works for all of the conflicts. I can also be sad in a way that everyone else in that room saw me react and wrote it off as mere shyness.

I choose however to laugh...because as I said at the start I remember when I got my first LEGO set. My Great Aunt had bought a taster set. LEGO 1476. I choose to laugh looking back at this poor woman trying to lure a child out from under a table with a toy he has never seen and doesn't understand. Like trying to lure a cat out with a piece of something that might be food.

I choose to laugh because she was family and I wasn't shamed for my shyness. I was lucky and it was funny for everyone else. I was lucky and my mother took time to try explain the idea of family overseas afterwards to me. I choose to laugh because I can only imagine how funny it all looked.

And I choose to smile because I know that thereafter my heart was full of joy, my hands full of little plastic bricks...and my Great Aunt knew I liked her gift.

As I got older, I never forgot how much wonder I had over that first set...and I never stopped looking for logical loopholes. It was only until much later in life that I discovered why I looked for them.

If you enjoyed this, or you got something out of it, then please pass it on to someone else you know who might find it as enjoyable and insightful as you did. Thanks for reading to the end! I’ll see you all next week.

Don’t forget to drink water!